Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Evolution of the Mommy Mobile

It all started when someone got this bright idea for a wheel.
Suddenly, women didn't have to carry their kids anymore. They could cart them! But since horses were doing the pulling, moms would let their kids ride and they would walk.

Then this genius came along by the name of Henry Ford, and he designed the horseless carriage! No more walking for mom!
Well it got kind of drafty in the old horseless carriage so eventually automobile makers decided to glass in the whole vehicle. Mom could keep her hairdo AND not have to walk.
Then the 60's came along, and the standard glassed-in horseless carriage was fine for getting around, but if you were a mom who liked to have a good time you needed a mommy mobile that you would double as your home, since you were so busy traveling around and spreading the love.

Finally, Mommies realized that all this peace and love was great until you find out that you've contracted some nasty VD. So they decided to settle down and trade in the old love van for a more respectable ride. But they couldn't be confined to the limited square footage of a wagon, so they moved into a 'conversion van'.
The conversion van was great for Mommies of the 80's, but the 90's came along and with it the development of the 'soccer mom'. Make room for the MINIvan. Which is not really very 'mini' at all, but compared to the conversion van I suppose it is a step down.
Well along came the 2000's and with it the bigger houses, bigger value meals, bigger highways, bigger butts, bigger boobs, bigger credit card debt, well... you get the picture. Now the minivan isn't big enough either. For heaven's sake, its called a MINI van! Nothing 'big' about that. So everyone's movin on up to an SUV. And thus, the Mommy Mobile of the 2000's becomes the gigantic, gas guzzling SUV. (Keeping in mind that while these status symbol vehicles seat 8, the average SUV-owning family has 1.8 children.)

BUT as Mommies hurry to buy up the SUV's all over the country, an alarming thing happens. Oil prices start to climb at an alarming rate. And suddenly, people start to care about the impact of their SUV's on the world's non-renewable resources! Hahah gotcha. They only care about their SUV's gas tanks impact on their credit card balance I mean wallet. So here we are in the late-2000's and bring in the HYBRID. The fuel efficient, runs partially on electricity status symbol of the later 1st decade of the 21st century.My prediction is that it won't be long before we're all taking a cue from Asia and traveling around in rickshaws. You oughta buy up some stock in Schwinn because I hear they are working on the American model rickshaw, complete with an MP3 player, global GPS and a cell phone charger. I bet we'll see a lot less Mommy Mobiles at the McDonalds drive through super sizing it when they're pedaling their babes around in one of these!

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